"Every sentence must do one of two things: reveal character or advance the action."
--Kurt Vonnegut, Rule #4 of Creative Writing
Bagombo Snuff Box: Uncollected Short Fiction, Berkeley Books, 1999. p. 13.
The heart of narrative (and dramatic structure) is good dialogue. Dialogue keeps narrative from being boring, breaking up dense paragraphs of narration with single lines in succession. Dialogue also reveals character through its subtext. More intelligent characters will use advanced diction and complex sentences, while dense characters use simple sentences and syncope, the shortening of words to make speech simple (like 'em for them or coz for cousin). Dialogue can show accents, revealing where characters are from. Dialogue can also show relationships between characters-- just like in real life, how (and even if) characters talk to one another shows how close or distant they are. Yet despite dialogue being an everyday quality of our own speech, it can be hard to write. Here are some tips for writing quality dialogue.
The grammar of dialogue
Dialogue uses different grammar than regular lines. Narrative dialogue is in quotation marks and each line of dialogue gets a new line break. If the sentence include narration after the dialogue, the period at the end of the dialogue turns into a comma (this does not apply to exclamation points or question marks). As always, punctuation stays inside the quotation marks. If the dialogue alternates between two characters, you only have to clarify who is speaking with the first two lines. Internal dialogue, expressed when a character is thinking and the narration is in third person, is italicized instead of quoted. Sounds are offset by asterisks. Here's an example:
"When will he be here?" Amy demanded. She impatiently started to click the button on the pen. Each click was like a needle into Chris' brain, right behind the eye. He was starting to get a headache.
"Milo always shows," Chris replied. "Jus' be patient." "Patient!" *click* "We've got a corpse in our living room and all you can say is 'be patient!'" *click* "Look, this all may be new t'you (*click*) but me an' Milo've been thru worse. You just gotta keep your cool til he gets here." "Oh, I'm supposed to keep my cool?" *click* "I'm not the one who lost my temper at a girl tied to a chair." *click* "I'm not the one who grabbed the gun instead of the gag to shut her up." *click* "Maybe if you kept your cool, we'd still have a hostage to ransom." *click click* Maybe Milo'll help me dump two bodies, Chris thought, breaking into a grimaced smile. "Babe, your not keepin' cool. An' when you're agitated -- well, that gets me agitated." He moved closer to her. "An' you know what happens when I get agitated." The pen stopped clicking. Her eyes widened, as did his grin. Amy hoped that Milo would arrive soon. |
Some narratives use dramatic dialogue, which is in exchange format. Exchange format doesn't use quotations and instead prefaces each line with the name of the speaker. This is usually done to make the dialogue look less natural and more performed. Actions are set in italics instead of thoughts.
AMY: When will he be here? (clicks pen)
CHRIS: Milo always shows. Jus' be patient. AMY: Patient! (clicks pen) CHRIS: Yeah, patient. Look, this all may be new t'you (Amy clicks pen) but I been thru worse. You just gotta keep your cool. |
Make characters say something
Narratives tend to be long, which is why every line in a narrative is important. Each line must advance the action of the plot or reveal details about character--otherwise, the reader will get bored and attention will wander. Nowhere is this principle of "elevated reality" more apparent than in dialogue. Real life is full of chit-chat, muttering, stumbles, and talking over each other. It's messy and dull and you don't want it in your story.
"Hey. How's it going?
"Pretty good. How are you doing?" "Eh, I'm a little tired." "Tired?" "Yeah." "Why are you tired?" "I was up all night. I--" "Last night?" "Yeah. Working on my English essay" "The one for Mr. Coon?" "Yeah." |
This exchange is true to life, but is also dull. This whole exchange could be boiled down to two good lines:
"Hey man. You doing okay?"
Aaron shrugged. "I was up all night working on that English essay for Coon. I'm so tired." |
...But don't say too much
Remember that dialogue is meant to break up large chunks of narration to make narratives more engaging to read, but you don't want the entire story to be dialogue: then the narrative is all talking, no action. In fact, only around 25-40% of a narrative should be dialogue. You also don't want your dialogue to seem too much like narration. While some narrating sentences are paired with dialogue for necessity (to clarify who is talking and what characters are doing), too much narration weakens dialogue:
Coleen stared down at Annie. Here was her once-best friend, completely at her mercy. "Well Annie, what do you have to say for yourself?"
Annie's eyes were quivering with tears. Coleen could tell by the recently chewed ends of her green-painted fingernails. Coleen leaned in further to her face.Annie ducked her head down, her blonde curls masking what Coleen was sure were tears. Coleen felt the edges of her cheeks pinch into a smile. She couldn't help it: she had looked forward to this moment of revenge for a long time. But suddenly, Annie raised her head. On her face was lascivious smile instead a look of fear. The same smile that she wore when she first met Tyler, the smile that drew him in and away from Coleen. Annie gave a little laugh, and in a low purr whispered, "I don't regret a thing." Coleen's face went slack in surprise, and her cheeks began to flush with anger at Annie's amusement, at her perennial contempt for her. |
While each one of these sentences is descriptive and engaging, they slow down the narrative when put all together. Here is the same selection, with less description but tighter dialogue:
Coleen stared down her former best friend. "Well Annie, what do you have to say for yourself?"
Annie ducked her head down, her blonde curls masking what Coleen was sure were tears. But then she heard the unmistakable sound of chuckling. To Coleen's shock, Annie met her gaze with a triumphant, contemptuous smile. "I don't regret a thing." |
The same goes for having too much inside the dialogue. While speeches and monologues are a mainstay in dramatic works and in real life, they are death in a narrative. A line of dialogue should never be longer than three sentences. So in times where one character would be lecturing another character, have breaks in dialogue.
How it is said
One of the most common pieces of advice beginning writers get is to use descriptive synonyms instead of dull basic words. "Instead of bad, use malevolent, vile, despicable, or rotten." "Instead of big, use enormous, vast, monstrous, or Brobdingnagian." While this is a fine idea, it often gets carried over to the word said. Said is one of the 100 most commonly used words in the English language, so many writers assume that said is an overused word and should be replaced with synonyms like queried, countered, agreed, related, uttered, communicated, commanded, demanded, implored, or conjectured.
This is stupid. Just use said (or asked, if a question).
Said is used so often that it does not break up the rhythm of a line. Any other word draws attention to itself and changes focus from what is said to how it is said. If you want to do this, do it in a narrative description where it can be the focus without drawing focus. Here is an example: instead of John commanded, "Give me the papers." say John's commanding presence drew silence from the interns. "Give me the papers." The second sentence gives more urgency to the scene and a clear picture of what is happening. Also notice that I didn't need to use said, as the context demonstrates who is speaking. If you feel you are using said too much, use this strategy instead of using synonyms.
Another advantage of sticking to said is that you avoid using words you may think are synonyms of said, but are not:
Another advantage of sticking to said is that you avoid using words you may think are synonyms of said, but are not:
"I bet he is so strong," Becky cooed.
Megan snorted, "Well if Becky likes him, I'm sure he's a jerk." "I bet he would never notice me," Reina sighed. "Oh Reina," Candy soothed. "I'm sure he'd love to know you." Reina grinned, "You really think so?" "Oh sure," Becky sneered mockingly. "If he doesn't see me first." |
Words can not be cooed, snorted, sighed, soothed, grinned, or sneered. These are sounds, tones, or facial expressions, not way of speaking. If you want to use the words, do it through narration:
"I bet he is so strong." Becky gazed lasciviously at Trevor, causing Megan to snort.
"Well if Becky likes him, I'm sure he's a jerk." Reina sighed. "I bet he would never notice me." "Oh Reina," Candy said. "I'm sure he'd love to know you." Reina was soothed by Candy's words enough to let a small grin peek out. "You really think so?" she asked. Becky turned on Reina, her face locked in a jealous sneer. "Oh sure," she said, mocking Candy's compassion. "If he doesn't see me first." |
Should you ever use a word besides said? Absolutely. You can not just say words, but you could shout, yell, holler, call out, reply, state, whisper, and mutter words. Yet notice that each of these is different: a shout is short and punctuated to grab attention, while a yell is full of anger and longer. A holler is loud so it can be heard far away, while a call out is loud to see if anyone is around. To reply is to directly answer a question, while to state is to say words objectively without emotion. A mutter is not meant to be heard, while a whisper is supposed to be heard by only a certain person.
These should show you that there are other options besides said, ask, and thought, but really think about if a synonym adds or detracts before you use it. Take the sentence "Maybe he wants revenge," Mike guessed the word guessed is superfluous, as the word maybe already shows Mike is guessing. Remember, straightforward clarity always comes first.
These should show you that there are other options besides said, ask, and thought, but really think about if a synonym adds or detracts before you use it. Take the sentence "Maybe he wants revenge," Mike guessed the word guessed is superfluous, as the word maybe already shows Mike is guessing. Remember, straightforward clarity always comes first.
Ways to build character using dialogue
VARY DICTION: Have different characters differ in the complexity of their words. A more educated character, for example, will use more advanced words than a less urbane character. Take the comic duo of Laurel and Hardy: in their talking films, Stan Laurel use proper British English, revealing his intelligence and class, while Oliver Hardy speaks like a common blustering American, showing his lower class. Include words from regional dialects to reveal background.
VARY WORDINESS: Have different characters speak different amounts, with some characters being chattier than others. Take the comic duo Jay and Silent Bob: Jay (played by Jason Mewes) is always talking and shooting off his mouth, revealing how ignorant and foolish he is, while Silent Bob (Kevin Smith) keeps to his namesake and rarely speaks, and when he does, his words are seen as insightful and important. Loquacity makes a character look more pompous and self-involved, while seldom speaking makes a character seem more reserved.
VARY TONE: Have characters react to the same event in different ways. Take the comic duo Abbott and Costello: Bud Abbott keeps serious and treats every problem with calm, cool logic, while Lou Costello always overreacts with anger or worry or panic. Giving characters different emotional intensities when talking helps distinguish them from one another.
VARY PURPOSE: Different characters understand and interact the world in different ways and thus can be defined by what they always say. Take the comic team the Marx Brothers: Groucho is always trying to explain and describe the world, Chico is always trying to question what is going on, Zeppo is always trying to persuade others, Gummo (who was part of the stage show but not the films) is always trying to trick others, and Harpo (who communicates with sound effects instead of words) is always trying to play and entertain others. Each brother has a distinct role and reason for being in the comedy act, illustrated by what they add to the conversation.
VARY WORDINESS: Have different characters speak different amounts, with some characters being chattier than others. Take the comic duo Jay and Silent Bob: Jay (played by Jason Mewes) is always talking and shooting off his mouth, revealing how ignorant and foolish he is, while Silent Bob (Kevin Smith) keeps to his namesake and rarely speaks, and when he does, his words are seen as insightful and important. Loquacity makes a character look more pompous and self-involved, while seldom speaking makes a character seem more reserved.
VARY TONE: Have characters react to the same event in different ways. Take the comic duo Abbott and Costello: Bud Abbott keeps serious and treats every problem with calm, cool logic, while Lou Costello always overreacts with anger or worry or panic. Giving characters different emotional intensities when talking helps distinguish them from one another.
VARY PURPOSE: Different characters understand and interact the world in different ways and thus can be defined by what they always say. Take the comic team the Marx Brothers: Groucho is always trying to explain and describe the world, Chico is always trying to question what is going on, Zeppo is always trying to persuade others, Gummo (who was part of the stage show but not the films) is always trying to trick others, and Harpo (who communicates with sound effects instead of words) is always trying to play and entertain others. Each brother has a distinct role and reason for being in the comedy act, illustrated by what they add to the conversation.
Ways to advance the action using dialogue
USE SHORTER SENTENCES: Shorter sentences lead to a quicker pace, which creates more tension. The same goes with shorter words: "Would you mind stopping for a minute so I can urinate?" is not as punchy as "Pull over! I need to pee!" They're called four-letter words for a reason.
TAUNT AND THREATEN: In a narrative, action is tied to conflict, and conflict is tied to fighting. A threat is an obvious way to provoke another character to action: "Stop before I make you stop." Most authors have characters answer threats with more threats or action, yet a taunt is another fun way to engage: "Well, I guess you'll have to stop me." Taunts aren't always confrontational and sometime come from friends of the character: "Well, I guess you'll need to think up a plan B."
JUXTAPOSITION: Juxtaposition is the placement of two opposing ideas together to show a contrast, and it can be used in dialogue in a couple different ways. You could juxtapose words with actions to show true intent: "I've never liked you," she said with a wide toothy grin. You could juxtapose responses, with one character using an angry tone and the other using an amused, sad, or bored tone.
BE AFFIRMATIVE: "I'm not sleepy" isn't as punchy as "I'm awake." "I didn't mean it" isn't as straightforward as "I'm sorry."
BE COMMANDING: Have characters give commands to express their objectives (these are called imperative sentences). "I don't know if you can fight him and win" isn't as interesting as "You can't possibly fight him and win."
TAUNT AND THREATEN: In a narrative, action is tied to conflict, and conflict is tied to fighting. A threat is an obvious way to provoke another character to action: "Stop before I make you stop." Most authors have characters answer threats with more threats or action, yet a taunt is another fun way to engage: "Well, I guess you'll have to stop me." Taunts aren't always confrontational and sometime come from friends of the character: "Well, I guess you'll need to think up a plan B."
JUXTAPOSITION: Juxtaposition is the placement of two opposing ideas together to show a contrast, and it can be used in dialogue in a couple different ways. You could juxtapose words with actions to show true intent: "I've never liked you," she said with a wide toothy grin. You could juxtapose responses, with one character using an angry tone and the other using an amused, sad, or bored tone.
BE AFFIRMATIVE: "I'm not sleepy" isn't as punchy as "I'm awake." "I didn't mean it" isn't as straightforward as "I'm sorry."
BE COMMANDING: Have characters give commands to express their objectives (these are called imperative sentences). "I don't know if you can fight him and win" isn't as interesting as "You can't possibly fight him and win."